t’s no secret that most of your relationships will change once you become a parent.
Dynamics with non-parent friends and family can be particularly tricky. Who hasn’t experienced that pregnant (no pun intended) pause in a conversation when you realize that things will never be the same as the 'old days'?
I remember the first time it happened to me. I called a newly pregnant friend of mine who in the past could always be counted on for a spontaneous adventure. I asked if she wanted to grab a burger and see a badly reviewed - but most likely entertaining - chick flick. “Sorry,” she told me. “I’m not eating red meat anymore and I’m in bed by 10 these days.” Though it might have been selfish, I remember feeling disappointed and hurt. Who was this fragile, early bird version of my formerly bold and adventurous friend? I mean, I knew her body was currently playing host to another human being but jeez - what about me? Things were admittedly tense for a while. But we both worked hard to understand how this particular life change would affect our relationship, and now we are closer than ever in an even more profound way.
It seems that one of the most difficult parts of the parent/non-parent friendship is the lack of communication. Frustrations build and then manifest in unhealthy ways. Of course, we can’t fully understand what it’s like to be a parent. But many of us ‘non-parents’ plan on having children at some point, so we do try to put ourselves in your shoes. However, while I still have my current perspective, I have compiled a general list of 'requests from the childless' which can maybe help air some dirty laundry.
Phone/Answering Machine Etiquette
Unless your child can actually speak, please do not put them on the phone or answering machine message. We cannot hear anything except your baby breathing as you try to coax out a word or two, which is awkward, and frankly, annoying. On the other hand, a video chat is a great option because we do love seeing your adorable child!
We Are Not On-Call For Your Childcare Needs
As much as we love your kids, we are not de-facto babysitters. If you choose to bring your child to an event, we might love playing with them for a bit, but we are not there to supervise them while you wander off to socialize and hit the hors d'oeuvres table for half an hour.
Please Take Responsibility On An Airplane
While a child crying on a plane is completely understandable, having him continuously kick our seat is not. By not saying or doing anything, you are essentially making us look like callous jerks for having to turn around and ask your child to stop.
