Preparing for a Second Child
by Armin Brott
or a lot of couples, the question about whether to have another child isn't really a question, it's a given. For others, though, the issue is more complicated. And most of the problems have to do with exactly what you're going through in your home: one spouse wants a second (or third) child while the other isn't nearly as excited about the prospect. Unfortunately, there's no easy solution to this problem.
The time crunch is a common concern of prospective second-time parents. But it's usually not the only thing they're worried about. So sit down and make a list of other factors as well. You might want to start with these:
- Finances
Can you really afford to have another baby? If you answer no, does not having enough money really make a difference for you?
- Your own childhood
Were you an only child or did you have brothers and sisters? How did you like growing up that way?
- Ability to love more than one child
Are you worried that you won't be able to love your second child as much as the first one? While this is an incredibly common worry, the simple answer is that your capacity to love your children - no matter how many you have - is infinite.
- Labor and delivery
Are you worried about putting your partner through another painful pregnancy and labor? Since she's the one going through it, leave that decision to her. Consider, though, that while being a parent is exhausting enough, trying to be a parent while you're pregnant is something altogether different. Is that OK for your partner or not?
- Your firstborn
Do you have a child with a difficult temperament? If so, keep in mind that your next child's temperament may not exactly mirror your firstborn's.
When you've put your list together and had a chance to think through each of your concerns, schedule a time to talk them over with your wife. You'll probably find that even though she's more gung-ho than you are right now, she shares many of them with you.
About The AuthorArmin Brott's bestselling books, including the recent release "Fathering Your School Age Child", have helped millions of men around the world become the fathers they want to be - and their children need them to be. Armin has been a guest on hundreds of radio and television shows, writes a nationally syndicated column, “Ask Mr. Dad,” and hosts a weekly radio show. He and his family live in Oakland, California. You can contact him at armin@mrdad.com.
