Expecting a Baby?

icensed marriage and family therapist, Lori Yve Sunkin, MA, MFT, answers two common questions about how a new baby can affect the relationship you have with your partner... and what you can do about it.

How Will My Relationship Change?
Keeping a Healthy Relationship

Q: Is my relationship with my wife/partner going to change after the baby is born?

A: The answer to this frequently asked question is a definite yes!  Your relationship will change in many ways.  A new baby changes the “you and me” to three (or more, if you're expecting multiples). The freedom of a late-night movie date or a spontaneous romp in the sack will be put on hold for a while. If you are in a healthy, loving relationship, the birth of your baby will bring even further intimacy to the marriage/partnership. Don’t get me wrong; parenting is not easy. The first few months of your baby’s life can be very trying on your relationship. The stresses of a new baby, combined with sleep deprivation and work, can leave you feeling depleted and frustrated.


Q: What can I do to help keep our relationship as healthy as possible?

A: It is important to talk to your partner about your fears and concerns before your new baby comes home. Chances are she has been thinking about the same things. Listed below are some helpful suggestions for keeping your relationship healthy BEFORE and AFTER the baby is born.

1. Talk to your wife/partner about your concerns. Explain to her how much your relationship means to you, separate from the new baby.

2. Take a trip alone before the baby is born. Make that trip an annual event for just the two of you. 

3. Discuss issues related to childcare, household responsibilities, and finances before the baby is born so the two of you have a better picture of what to expect.

4. Make time for lovemaking. If you can't have sex due to medical issues related to pregnancy, cuddle, or find other ways of expressing yourselves sexually or romantically.

5. If necessary, seek advice from a professional to help promote a healthy discussion of expectations after the baby is born.

6. After the baby is born, make sure that you and your partner check in with each other's emotions every day. Hormones and sleep deprivation can cause mixed emotions, and it is important for her (and for you) to talk about feelings.

7. If you can afford childcare - or if you have family that is willing to help you take care of the baby - take advantage of this opportunity to spend time alone with your partner. Even a quick dinner or a lovely night stroll can provide quality “couple“ time.

8. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself! Sometimes dads can get lost in the shuffle with the focus being on the new baby and mommy. Make a date with your friends to play cards or go to a movie. Encourage your wife to take some time with her girlfriends, too.

Most importantly, make time to love each other. Parenting is one of the greatest opportunities that you will ever experience. Healthy relationships are critical to parenting, so stay on the same team with your partner. Your mini-team members will be forever grateful.