emember when you used to go to a restaurant, and someone’s child was fussing and crying, disturbing other diners, and you wondered why in the world the parents didn’t do something to take care of the problem?
You know what you should have done in that situation?
Gotten their phone number.
Because now that you have your own you’ll be wanting to call them to apologize. It isn’t as easy as it looks. Not that you will have any second thoughts. Having a kid is going to be great. There aren’t many times in your life when you can point to a moment that changes everything forever. This is one. Almost nothing will be as it was. And those things that remain, well, they are transformed too.
You know how you used to walk past a kids’ soccer game? Probably held your interest for about thirty seconds, right? What if I told you that in a few years you will likely be on the sideline with your heart pounding, so overwhelmed with emotion you can hardly breathe? Oh, did I mention that the players are just five years old?
You say you don’t believe that? Not a problem. I’ll give you my phone number. You can call me later to apologize.
FINDING YOUR CENTER
POOP: ONE OF THREE TREASURES
THE UNSTOPPABLE CHI OF DROOL
BUDDHA AND THE BREAST
FIND YOUR SENSEI
FINDING YOUR CENTER
How about that baby? Seriously incredible, right?
Couldn’t you just sit there and watch her scrunch her little face for hours? How about when that tiny hand squeezes your little finger? Is that a miracle of life or what?
So why do you feel an irresistible urge to run out the door? To get in the car and drive somewhere? Anywhere? To go to the office so you could walk over to the coffee machine and ask if anyone saw the game last night?
Admit it. There are moments when, as adorable and wonderful as your baby is, you want to get away. Is there something wrong with you?
Yes. There is. You should seek professional help right away.
Just kidding. Of course not. You’ve just got the infant-induced version of cabin fever, known as “baby fever.” Too confined, too shut in, too many diapers and binkies and jolly little musical bells on the Mr. Jingle play station. You need to step outside and do a little of what the yogis call “finding your center.” Take a moment, speak to adults in a normal tone of voice – perhaps operate some power tools.
Do it. You’ll feel better.
POOP: ONE OF THREE TREASURES
In general, your baby’s description can be boiled down to three simple tasks – eat, sleep, and poop. You could ask him to clean out the garage, but it isn’t likely to happen. Babies have an excellent union.
The eating and sleeping go along pretty much as you might have expected (although not at the hours you had in mind), but the pooping part is a revelation.
Someday, when you arrive home and say to the woman you once kissed passionately and publicly in the doorway of her apartment, “Did we have a good poop today?” all will be clear.
Pooping is many things. It is proof positive that things are running smoothly at both ends of the baby, and a surefire deterrent to the dreaded red-faced rear-streaked, sleep-stealing colic.
But, most of all, it may very well be the first shared positive experience in your new family. Later on in life your child may boot a ball past a soccer goalie or ace a spelling test, but it is entirely possible that the first real praise you give him will be for a timely and productive poop.
Others, baby-less, will wrinkle their nose in disgust, but you will know better. And, as you watch your baby’s face, and see a blissful smile creep across it as he completes this task, you will receive a reminder of the joy of the simple and basic.
