Intimacy After Baby?

With a new baby in the house, it seems as though my husband and I have no time or energy (or desire!) for intimacy. I'm worried about what this may do to our relationship, but we're both so exhausted all the time. Is there something we should be doing to get back to 'normal'?

Having a baby makes the dynamics of intimacy so much more complicated. While you may not return to the old ‘normal' right away, the new ‘normal’ can be thrilling in its own way. Still, how do you find the time, energy, and especially the right mood for intimacy?

Your hormones have changed, with both estrogen and progesterone levels dropping dramatically after you give birth. That often leads to a lowered libido.

Yet, as tired, preoccupied, and non-sexual as you might feel - and as happy as you are to simply talk and snuggle – many men still desire a physical connection to feel most intimate and bonded.

Meanwhile, there are some things you can do to ensure your relationship doesn't suffer from the strain of all this exhaustion:

• Ask your husband for more help, explaining that you feel sexier when you're not shouldering too much of the burden yourself.

• Talk about the whole process of how your roles have changed. Some men, when their wives become mothers (and sometimes even remind them a bit of their own mothers), can temporarily lose sexual interest. His attraction to you will return.

• Then there may be the complication of your own anxiety about losing your desirability. Communicate this to your partner, and talk about ways that you can restore your sexual confidence.

Your bedroom strategies will no doubt change, especially when you don’t know when the baby might need you. Learn to focus in on the moment, perhaps by using relaxation techniques together. Above all, understand that you’ll get through this ‘new’ normal and hopefully get back to your ‘old’ normal!