Advice for Dads-to-Be

uring pregnancy, moms-to-be will experience myriad emotions as well as physical changes. But, they’re not alone. Impending fatherhood impacts the dad-to-be as well during those nine months, as they anticipate the changes to come.

  Here’s a sneak peak at what may be on his mind…

What emotions or feelings did you experience during your wife or partner’s pregnancy?

“Fear that your life is over. It is over. But it's also just beginning.”

“Bewildered and anxious. Very protective of my wife... attentive to her needs. Eager to get my “ya-ya’s” out before I have to be an adult for the rest of my life.” 

“Joy... is the heartbeat normal?... more joy... are the amnio results okay? - what does that all mean? - but it's good, right?... joy... is her stomach going to stay that big?... he kicked! - I felt it!... joy... wow, my wife has beautiful skin... it's time - oh-my-god-it's tiiiime!... JOY!” 

“Fear that you're not going to be a good father.” 

“That I can never fully understand what my wife is going through. I can intellectually rationalize, but can’t truly emotionally relate to what is going on.”

What worries you the most about impending fatherhood?

“How in the world am I going to afford all this?” 

“The new age of fatherhood expects fathers to be highly involved in the rearing of the children. So there is a double wammy. (Same goes for new moms!) Will I be able to be a breadwinner and still be an involved dad? Will I disappear in our family to the new child... in other words, will the attention that was once directed towards me from my wife, be completely diverted to the new baby. Will I have any alone time? What if I lose my job, how will I take care of everyone?” 

“Before I had kids, I played golf twice a month, I went to movies twice a month, and I went out to dinner twice a week. After I had kids, I've played golf twice in two years, I see maybe two movies a year in the theaters, and maybe I go out to dinner once or twice a month, tops, but that comes with the $80 babysitter surcharge.” 

“Concern grows about my ability to take care of my family, financially. Also the idea (same as women) – that ‘everything will change’.”

What can dads-to-be do to ease their fears?

“Talk to other dads. Know that you have time to step into your new role as a father. It's not like your baby is born and the next day you have to look like you jumped off the front of a Hallmark card.” 

“Give into it. Since the kids were born, I barely miss golf, I watch more movies on television and DVD (although it usually takes a week to make it through a movie because I fall asleep so quickly) and I've learned to appreciate the benefits of a home cooked meal.” 

“Talk to your wife... go to counseling and identify exactly what you are feeling before the baby comes. You'll never be completely clear or completely prepared, but the more informed you are about yourself the less you will misdirect emotions on your wife and child. Be prepared to not be a child anymore. Address some of your emotional unfinished business.” 

“Plan; talk to their friends; talk to your wife; and read a book or two.” 

“Remember that this is a privilege - enjoy every moment of it.”

How can fathers help their wife or partner and bond as a couple? 

“Communicate. Share your feelings (except for the part about her stomach being huge). Show an interest in how she's feeling day to day. Don't freak out when she seems irrational. Be grateful for what she's doing so you can have this child together.” 

“I think the way to help my wife is to let her vent, let her cry, and tell her I understand and appreciate everything she's going through. In short, let her win any and every argument.”

“Have a date night... a night of intimacy. Always ask what you can do for your wife during the day. Offer to do the laundry and dishes or grocery shopping. Encourage her to go get a massage. In other words, let her know you are there for her and fully support her. Once she feels that, she will be more available for bonding.”
 
“Go to doctor’s appointments; plan date nights; and take a babymoon!” 

“Talk, support and forgive”