ack at work, already? If you are like most new mothers, you may experience conflicting feelings about returning to work. It may be difficult to leave your new little one, but you might secretly look forward to uninterrupted lunches and bathroom breaks.
You may also find that you don’t care as much about the work you do, whereas you were deeply committed before you had your baby. This is common in the beginning, but over time your interest will most likely return.
You might worry that your baby will miss you while you are at work or not remember you when you return home after a long day. Rest assured, for the first 6 months, babies don’t know that people or objects exist outside their line of sight. So chances are your baby won’t be distressed when you are somewhere else. However, you can feel secure that your baby knows exactly who you are – she recognized your voice at birth and studied your face for hours on end and she will show her excitement when you come through the door at the end of the day.
Be prepared that your boss and co-workers will probably not be thinking about your baby all day long like you are. They may not ask about your little bundle and might even forget that you are going through a life-changing experience. They will not realize that you’re a different person and will probably expect the same level of work from you as they did before your “vacation.”
Some women forget themselves that they are changed and expect the 200% effort at work that they gave before the baby. Chances are they are still operating at 100% – which is invariably good enough for most bosses and clients.
My advice is to ask yourself if anyone (besides you) is complaining about your work. If not, try letting it go and save the other 100% for your family.
Q: I plan to breastfeed. Do you have any tips for pumping at work?
A: The idea of doing something as intimate as pumping in the workplace can be pretty intimidating, especially if your bosses and co-workers know that at some time during the day your breasts will be exposed.
The process is certainly less daunting if you have your own office. If you do not already have one, you may request a lock on your door. I know one mom who put a “Dairy Queen” sign on her door so she would not be disturbed while pumping!
If you work in a shared space, your workplace must (by law) provide a space for you to pump. Legally, a supply closet or a bathroom would suffice, but some companies provide pumping rooms with a couch, sink, and refrigerator. You can expect to take at least 30 minutes to pump from start to finish. Most breastfeeding mothers pump 2-3 times during the workday, so try to plan on taking at least an hour away from work. If you’re plagued with non-stop demands, I suggest putting your pump times on your appointment schedule so you’re more likely to make the time to pump.
Using a hands-free bra can also be a lifesaver as it allows you to email or talk on the phone while pumping. An extra set or two of breast shields and plenty of bottles or freezer bags will help save time washing, as well.
Maintaining your milk supply once you go back to work can be difficult since stress is the number one saboteur. Also, that office or pump room is probably a lot different from your cozy breastfeeding chair at home. It might help to pull out a picture of your baby to look at while you pump to visualize the breastfeeding experience. Try not to spend the time watching the milk drip into the bottle as you will not only be bored but you might get discouraged if you don’t see Niagara Falls.
If you feel guilty about taking time away from work, try to think about the benefits for your baby and just remember that there are people who still take time out for those cigarette breaks.
Q: How will I balance work, family, and time for me?
A: This is the biggest challenge that all mothers face. Before having children, you might have enjoyed daily trips to the gym, taking long showers or picking up a novel every night before falling into a full night of restful sleep.
Unfortunately (but for fortunate reasons), those things become luxuries once you have a baby. The good news is that you don’t immediately notice they are missing. In the first few weeks, adrenaline makes up for your lack of sleep, you don’t really care about showering, and you feel fulfilled and fully entertained by simply watching your baby move.
However, at some point (usually around the same time that most working mothers return to the workplace), the adrenaline wears off and the cumulative effects of fatigue and self-sacrifice kick in.
Suddenly, you are operating at full capacity all the time – giving 100% at work, 150% at your second job at home, and sometimes “working” through the night. It might seem obvious that something needs to give. But what? Since time with the baby is at a minimum, mothers feel conflicted if they spend more time away to exercise or get a manicure or massage. Some moms feel that they don’t deserve to take care of themselves even though they feel depleted. The analogy I give is the message from the flight attendants during the safety instructions. When the oxygen masks drop, place one first on yourself and then help others. Do not negate the importance of your own mental and emotional well-being. If working out replenishes you, then the extra hour away from your kids is actually beneficial to them since you will probably come home more relaxed and more patient.
If your work hours are extreme, try discussing alternatives, such as telecommuting, with your boss. I’ve known many working mothers who have been surprised at their options once they got over their fear of asking. Try more multitasking: If weather permits, put your baby in the stroller and walk or jog with your husband and baby after work, or get a manicure during your lunch break. Lastly, and probably most importantly, surrender to the changes. Understand that your old life is on hiatus and you may not be able to “balance” it all in the true sense of the word. Stay focused, take care of yourself as well as your family and you will eventually find that stable middle ground.
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