You NEED to leave him. It's not a healthy situation for you or your son, or your baby. Do you really want him to be the example of how to treat women for your son? I have been in similar situations before (a long time ago now, thank God) and I know how hard it is to even think about leaving but you've got to. If you want to talk privately and can let you know some things you can do...
Jodi

Unfortunately this is all to common. I to was in a similar situation with my first husband. It took me 3 years and 3 children to finally get away. It also took me that long to realize my self worth as an individual and to not be afraid that I would be alone. You may or may not have that fear but that was my biggest problem. I was always beaten on and nothing short of that, then told by him that no one would ever love me, etc.. SO I STAYED!!
I moved back to my home town with 2 of my 3 children...he took one literally as a hostage to MAKE me come back. My friends there talked him into coming where I was so I could see my son. Then 2 years later after I have had my kids for almost a year with nothing from him, he asks to see them. Needless to say, I was burnt working full time...taking management courses....and juggling my kids that I gave in. He agreed to bring them to me the next night.
He ran and it took me 5 months to find them in California...which by the way he DROPPED them off with his parents and came back to my home town!!! He didn't want them for himself, just to torture me!!! When I tried to go see them, he started to threaten me with death threats and even beyond that. SO I got a court order to go get them. That was Christmas eve 2003. Best Christmas ever.
He has had no contact since!!! He calls every June saying he wants to see them but won't do anything through the courts...BACK CHILD SUPPORT and all!!!!
Any way, sorry for the novel!!! I just hope you find your way whether it be with him or not!! Sorry if any of it offended you too. But I never thought in a thousand years that he would do that and he did!!
BTW, I am now married to the man I should have been with in the first place!! He actually waited 3 years for me...raises the older 3 children as his own...and we now have 3 more together!!! He is an awesome husband and father!!!
If you ever feel like talking as the other ladies said...feel free to email me...marcielleann@yahoo.com...
BE SAFE!!!
Marcie

Way to go Marcielleann, I'm glad yougot out of your situation and are doing so well!
I know from my own situation that it wasn't easy but it was SO worth it!

I'm not going to sugar coat this for you. Men like this don't change. He's never going to be the ideal father and/or husband that you deserve. I've been where you are so I'm not just preaching. You deserve better. Your son deserves better. And the child that you have on the way deserves better. What are you going to do when his abuse turns to them? You owe it to them to get out. Whether you love him or not has nothing to do with it. The safety of your children is all that matters. Your son may cry for him now, but one day he'll thank you for it. I'm sorry to be straight forward. I know it's not easy to hear.

The other girls are totally right. Your job is to protect your children. By keeping them in a situation like that, you're not going to be able to to that. I don't care if you love him, you should love your children more. My mother-in-law was married to a man like that and it ended up hurting her kids emotionally more than it hurt her physically. It got so bad that my husband, as a teenager, made the decision on his own to leave the family and go into foster care. My husband is now 25 and he and his mother still don't have the kind of relationship they should. And it was all because she didn't put her kids first.

How are you doing today?

Look, what you're doing is rediculous. It's very selfish of you to stick with this guy who clearly will not ever grow up. Your son and unborn child are being exposed to an unhealthy environment (emotionally, physically, mentally, economically..) and you are putting them at risk by 'being in love'. You love the idea of this guy. What he could be, or what he pretended to be when you first met. I've been through the same situation, luckily with no children involved. (Here's where I would like to point out that birth control is a wonderful thing). My ex tried to strangle me and he just finished up his probation this past February. I refuse to put up with any kind of abuse. Did it hurt me when I kicked him out? Was I depressed? Did I shut myself up in my apartment for MONTHS while I got over the IDEA of the man I was in love with while I learned to accept the truth of the man I was in love with? Yes, yes, and unfortunately.

You not working is not a reason to rely on this loser. EVERY doctor's office or OB GYN office I've ever been in has a sign with a local number to call to get help with an abusive situation. Even if he's never laid a hand on you does not mean that he is not abusing you. I was quite suprised to find out in therapy after my ex beat me up that he had been abusing me for our entire relationship (posessive, emotionally/mentally abusive.. He was also a meth addict and controlled my every move..). Abuse doesn't always mean physical.

The point is, you need to get out or social services can and will take your children.

You are getting money from friends and family to help you eat. Do you think one of those people would let you sleep on their couch while you find a place to live? (This is where those domestic abuse services come in handy, they can often refer you to shelters or resources to obtain housing.. Depends on what state you live in).

As far as your son going crazy if he can't see his daddy.. Set up visitations... You can get child support through the court and they'll help you with custody arrangements. Whether you want this guy to be responsible for your child when you're not there to supervise is up to you.

I'm really not trying to be mean, but there are cases like this that piss me off. Your self worth should be more than this. And your children's worth should be worth even more. They can't make the decisions that you can. You are much stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. It will be difficult as many of these women can and have attested for. You will find it very hard to move past him and to establish a life and identity of your own. But you can do it. ALL women have that ability. You just need to find the strength in you.

I really hope you can find a solution or have by now.

Best of luck.