Read this or not, it makes me feel better to post this somewhere. I really hate complaining to my boyfriend and refuse to complain to anyone else. Maybe someone out here has the same condition I do..

I have ankylosing spondolitis (AS). It's an irritating auto-immune disorder that causes arthritis which, in turn, can cause the joints to fuse. I was diagnosed with it four years ago. Most of my major joints are affected; SI (hip) joints, lumbar spine, jaw, knees, ankles, a few ribs. Most of the joints are just inflamed, but I do have mild fusion in my SI joints. The best thing to relieve the pain and prevent fusion is exercise, heat and anti-inflammatory drugs.

So many women with this condition say they hardly noticed a difference in their pregnancies. I notice it. I notice it every minute of every day and it's not getting any better.

I'm going into a flare. Typically, my worst flare ups are in February/March, although I do tend to get a mild flare this time of year. This year is not mild. I think part of it is no longer being able to rollerskate (I play roller derby). I do walk, once or twice a day for 20 to 30 minutes. I feel great when I'm walking and when I get done, but as soon as I sit for a few minutes, all my joints stiffen right back up and start hurting. Getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is painful and exhausting by the time I make it down the hall.

I realize the pain is partly due to the arthritis, partly due to some additional weight and loss of activity and probably largely due to the ligament loosening normal during pregnancy.

I don't care. I want it to stop. I look like an old lady getting up from a chair. I'm 26 years old. I don't like looking like an old lady. There's plenty of time for that in 40 years.

My boyfriend sees my pain and helps me out of chairs and offers me an arm when I'm having a hard time. He rubs my feet and my back.. he's always been very helpful with my 'condition'. But he's extra vigilant because I'm pregnant and is constantly asking me "Are you alright?" "Can you handle that?", etc. I know he's concerned and just trying to be a good partner and take care of his first baby... But, my god, I hate feeling handicapped, let alone being treated handicapped.

Okay. I'm done. I'm sorry this is so long. I keep reminding myself that it will all be so worth it in the end when I'm holding my baby and the pain during pregnancy, like the pain of childbirth, will be erased from my mind.. But.. I've got another 21 weeks of this. It's just very disheartening.

If you've read to this point, thank you. But I won't be offended if you didn't. Like I said, I just really needed to vent. But if you do happen to have AS, or any other arthritis or auto-immune disease, I'd be really interested to talk to you.