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Categories » Confessions » Where's the Love?

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Where's the Love?
addetar

Rank: sprout
Posts: 77
Joined: 2/26/09
Full Term
Where's the Love? | 5/12/09 12:10 PM
So I'm 17 weeks, and still want nothing to do with sex. I want to be intimate with my hubby,and I know he is DYING- sex was always a very important part of our relationship, but I feel like I am incapable of getting into the mood. I know people say "try other things besides sex", but it's not the same thing. The last thing I want is for him to..go down there... it's a SCARY place to be right now! I want to feel close to my husband while we go through this amazing expereince, but I have a hard time getting to the point where I feel like sex is possible! It's happened a few times, and after WAY too much effort, I was able to climax, but most of the time it's quite uncomfortable and exhausting! Not to mention my vagina feels foreign and like it belongs to someone else with all the discharge and attention it requries (sorry TMI!) I shave and less that 24 hours later I'm stubbly again, I still feel lumpy and fat,I'm irritable and bitchy not pregnant and pretty ... I wanted to be that Pregnant Sex Kitten SO BAD....and so did my husband! lol Any suggestions on how to spice it up or at least get to the point where I can have intercourse without pain and akwardess without having to pull out my wedding night lingerie (which would probably NOT look pretty at this stage).
sseeger

Rank: out of the nursery
Posts: 113
Joined: 8/11/08
Full Term
RE: Where's the Love? | 5/11/09 4:28 PM as a reply to addetar.
Ugh - I was so there! After a long day of swollen feet, getting kicked in the ribs, sweating like a small farm animal and peeing every 45 minutes, the LAST thing I was interested in was sex. I too had a hard time climaxing during sex.

The only way that we could do it that wasn't awful and uncomfortable was doggie style. That way the pressure wasn't on my belly and it seemed not to be painful at all. Many times, I just took one for the team and had sex purely for my husband's sake, because I knew he was really struggling with it. Toward the end, we had sex nearly every night, just to see if that would help labor! It may have, since my water broke 12 days before my due date!

Good luck and hopefully you can find something that will help!
HayliMoser

Rank: bean
Posts: 12
Joined: 1/8/09
Full Term
RE: Where's the Love? | 5/11/09 4:30 PM as a reply to addetar.
All I can tell you is don't force it. Alot of women lose their sex drive during pregnancy and it is TOTALLY normal, you shouldn't feel bad about it at all. Your husband will just have to be understanding and recognize that the changes you're experiencing are hard to deal with and it will take some time. The silver lining though is that alot of women tend to get a surge in their sex drive around the 3rd trimester, you just have to work around the belly, which is by no means ugly or lumpy or anything. Pregnancy is beautiful and don't you forget it!

 

 

Katie923

Rank: dedicated
Posts: 267
Joined: 1/13/09
Full Term
RE: Where's the Love? | 5/11/09 4:42 PM as a reply to addetar.
I've gone through periods where I feel icky and ugly. What helps is that my husband seems to be more attracted to me now. It took a while for it to happen, but once I started feeling less exhausted, I started feeling like I looked better. And I feel less fat now that I actually look pregnant, rather than just thicker in the waist. Once my attitude changed, his did too.
MonnieB

Rank: sprout
Posts: 77
Joined: 11/8/08
Full Term
RE: Where's the Love? | 5/12/09 10:35 AM as a reply to addetar.
For me, libido has cycled throughout my pregnancy. First, it was hot, then nonexistent in the second trimester, and now it's back. I never figured out how to turn things on when they just didn't want to be on, and it got to be rather frustrating. The way we worked it out was just to be sensitive to each others needs during that time. I would let him get out the lubrication so that it was not painful, and took care of his needs even if it was not satisfying to me. In return, he made sure to compliment me a lot, snuggle, talk about the baby books I was reading, etc. Whatever it was I needed emotionally at the time. It got us through the phase. Don't worry, this is not going to last forever!
addetar

Rank: sprout
Posts: 77
Joined: 2/26/09
Full Term
RE: Where's the Love? | 5/12/09 12:03 PM as a reply to addetar.
Thanks for the support ladies!

 

 

Aidan's Mommy

Rank: bean
Posts: 6
Joined: 5/2/09
Full Term
RE: Where's the Love? | 5/16/09 4:11 PM as a reply to addetar.
I understand your pain. When I found out I was pregnant, I also found out I had a bacteria infection that could only be treated with an antibiotic that had been linked to pre-term labor. So I had to wait 3 months before I could use it. And I did not want sex at all, and oh my gosh going down there was just plain ole trifling to me. I was always sleepy and morning sickness definitely took a toll on me. However, to my surprise he was very understanding. We tried various positions and techniques that helped my satisfaction as well as his. It's a learning process that both of us have to adjust too. But now what is funny is that, I want it all the time. And he is terrified cause he doesn't wanna smash the baby's head. The movie Knocked Up is exactly how he acts when it comes to that. I have to literally force him. He said the other day, "I have just come to the conclusion that in about a month, we are just gonna stop having sex." Im like ugh no. But in due time you and your husband will figure it out.
kim.abc.123

Rank: sprout
Posts: 75
Joined: 3/28/09
RE: Where's the Love? | 5/16/09 11:53 PM as a reply to addetar.
I feel your pain! I'm 18 weeks and I kept hearing that my sex drive would increase in my 2nd trimester, but I'm still waiting! My husband has (apparently) been talking to guys at work who have told him the same thing and he's still waiting too -- poor guy! We have a great sex life, but now, I'm just not into it. I'm still tired at night and don't even think about first thing in the morning....can it get any hotter during the night even with the ceiling fan and a/c running?! Shaving? I used to almost everyday to every other day, but not so much now....I feel bad for him, but not enough to follow through! I've thought about wearing something sexy to bed too, but it takes A LOT of effort to get all pretty before going to bed!
I want to have sex with him, but then when it actually comes time to doing it, I decide to go to sleep instead -- go figure, right? It's just not as much fun as it used to be! I love my husband very much...I just keep pluggin' along and hope that one of these days things will change....
Lucky for him, I do wake up in the middle of the night and decide I want to....no matter what time, he's always willing to take me up on my offer! That's when I enjoy it the most. It's usually after a dream -- don't even get me started on the vivid dreams I have now!
 
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