family staying at house after baby is born?

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Categories » The "4th" Trimester » family staying at house after baby is born?

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family staying at house after baby is born?

Anonymous

family staying at house after baby is born? | 2/22/09 1:37 AM

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So I'm running into a dilemma, my husband 1) doesn't want any family to stay with us at our house and 2) doesn't want anyone visiting for more than a week. Unfortunately, I already asked my mom to stay with us for a month and had to break the "news" to her. She was devastated of course. On top of that, I said she and my dad could stay for a week after the baby is born and we'll put her up at a hotel, but then my husband and I wanted to be alone for the first month. Double whammy! The reason it's such a big deal also is that I'm Asian and my husband is not, a bit of a culture clash. My parents really expected to stay at my house while visiting me and my mom expected to stay for a month. What should I do or say to fix this mess? My parents are so pissed off at me now. Basically, I'm stuck between choosing my parents or my husband. I would like both to be there for the first month, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Any advice? My husband wants to spend alone time with the baby and my mom wants to be here to help out.

Thanks!

cmisswonder

Rank: seedling
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Joined: 12/27/08

RE: family staying at house after baby is born? | 2/22/09 8:23 AM as a reply to Anonymous.

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I'm hopeful that your husband will change his mind. I'm expecting my first child this summer July 9th. I plan on having my mother stay a month and my mother in-law stay the next month. My husband doesn't have a problem with this setup. I guess some men are different. I honestly think it is very sweet of your husband, to want to spend the first month bonding as a family. My advice make him change his mind.

Katie923

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Full Term

RE: family staying at house after baby is born? | 2/22/09 4:39 PM as a reply to Anonymous.

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I'm planning on it just being me and my husband for the first 6 weeks. So I do understand your husband's preference to have it just the two of you. But we decided this together. He needs to understand your culture and he needs to respect your opinion. You're most likely the one who's going to be doing the most with the baby, and you are entitled to whatever help you want. At the same time, your parents need to respect your decision as well. You're the one having this baby, not anyone else. You need to think about what YOU want and make it clear to everyone.

snowball164

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Full Term

RE: family staying at house after baby is born? | 2/22/09 11:03 PM as a reply to Anonymous.

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We always had my mom come for the birth of our first two kids. And of course if she's there for the birth...then she's gotta stay and visit for a while.(we live 12hours away from our parents)Then his parents would come greet the baby. (but our visits weren't a month long- maybe a week or two)
But I think keeping Grandparents away from their new grandchild for a whole month might be just cruel. lol. especially that first precious month.
And like someone already said. You're gonna want a little help. And you're the one doing most of the work--while recovering from childbirth.

Once I come home from the hospital I tell my husband no visitors for 3 days...(except for my mom who is already here) Then other family and friends can come see the new baby.

Explain to your husband your point-and from the perspective of the poor grandparents who want to see their grandbaby. tell him that a month is too long. You'll have plenty of time to bond.
AND who knows...
Maybe he'll ease up and realize you guys want help after a week of no sleeping. lol.

A Guest

RE: family staying at house after baby is born? | 10/6/09 4:17 PM as a reply to Anonymous.

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i know this is a way late reply, but i had the same problem. my hubby's well off family all live around us, while my poor parents live away. so i asked if my mom could stay for 2 weeks to help me out and bond with our son. he agreed reluctantly, but when she was here, my hubby was annoyed with everything she said or done and they actually argued. meanwhile i am recovering from surgery and trying to care for a new baby and both of my closest people forced me to basically choose between them. it was so hard, but i am in our home and had to send her home early( was here for 12 days). it was upsetting to say the least. in fatc i am still better at my hubby for being that way, but i guess everybody has their own feelings, rightfully so. my advice would be to determine whether all parties will get along, whether they are there for the right reasons, and that boundries are set(in a casual way) so as not to offend. in the end i didn't get much help from my mom cause she felt she had to lock herself away in our guestroom. a real pity. sorry mom

Jennominal

Rank: out of the nursery
Posts: 102
Joined: 8/11/08

32nd Week

RE: family staying at house after baby is born? | 10/7/09 3:22 PM as a reply to Anonymous.

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Good luck with your dilemna! I can understand you wanting your mom around esp because of your culture also, I understand your husband wanting to be alone. I think that I am going to be one of those people who wants to adjust and settle before people coming over as well. I hope that you two can come to some type of compromise...I suggest..1st week alone, 2nd week they stay in hotel, then weeks 3 and 4 maybe have mom stay...maybe limit it to one week of her staying in the house fulltime though...GOOD LUCK

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