y grandfather’s number one rule in life was: “Make sure you have the right tools for the job.” The man had an entire cellar dedicated to every type of tool and gadget for repairing anything. My wife’s pregnancy could have gone so much better if I had just stuck to my grandfather’s simple rule as fervently as he did.
If you’ve just found out that you will be taking on the lifelong task of fatherhood and you’re not sure what “tools” you’ll need, do yourself a favor and print this list, tape it to your fridge and make your wife’s pregnancy – and your life – a whole lot easier.
A Big Bottle of Minutes Use these every chance you get. Take one or two when you first find out you’re going to be a father. Allow yourself a few minutes to celebrate, worry, and think about those father and son picnics in your future. Take one every time things get tense to remember what your wife is going through. And NEVER take one before responding when your wife asks, “Do my ankles look fat?”
A Strong Set of Ears You will use these A LOT – in many different situations - so make sure they’re durable. Sometimes they will be needed to listen to your wife vent about the store not having any chocolate cherry chip ice cream, and you’ll want to make sure you ratchet up your empathy and patience. Other times, when your wife is crying because “I don’t know why!”, you’ll need them to be sympathetic. You’ll also need them to be powerful enough to pick up the faint whisper of, “Honey, are you up... I think it’s time.”
A Flexible Calendar For the next nine months – at least – prepare to slide everything and anything off your social calendar that doesn’t have to do with your baby. Does that mean you won’t have a life during this time? No, but as your wife prepares to bring a brand new life into the world, you should at least be prepared to cancel your Tuesday night basketball game once in a while.
A Box of Assorted Dates Make it a big box. Use one to celebrate with your wife when you first learn about your impending arrival. Use another one after your wife’s morning sickness and nausea have passed (but remember they might return), then carefully distribute the rest at select times throughout the next eight months. Use these dates to reconnect as husband and wife, to remember what it was that first made you realize why you wanted to start a family with this person and to just get out of the house – even for a little bit. Always remember to bring your adjustable ears.
A Cordless Alarm Clock Make sure it’s the old-fashioned kind. It should have that loud-metallic-startles-you-awake ring to it. Set the alarm for 3:30 A.M. – better yet, have your wife set it on the night you least expect it. When the alarm goes off, get up, cradle the ringing alarm in your arms, go to your kitchen, and shut the alarm off. Pull out a 5 pound bag of flour from the pantry. Carry this bag around in your arms for 45 minutes while you sing softly. Then go back to bed. Repeat this every once in a while. Don’t understand why? Don’t worry, you will.
A Professional Size Calculator Now is the time to go over your budget. If you and your wife don’t have one – it’s time to make one. You have one, but have trouble sticking to it? Start thinking about that extra hungry mouth that is coming as motivation to trying a little harder. Remember, your food budget will go up as your wife starts eating for two. You will also have to start putting money aside for the never-ending supply of diapers, wipes, and all the other baby paraphernalia you will need. Do not look to your baby shower as one-stop shopping either. This is a financial lifestyle change.
A New Pair of Sneakers Start exercising – now. You will need it. Think about walking as an exercise choice – it’s something you and your wife can do together and the time out of the house will be hugely beneficial for both of you. Also, look over what you’re eating, BUT DO NOT use this as an excuse to look at what your wife is eating. As a matter of fact, use this huge transition point in your life to review all your lifestyle choices. A drinker? Consider quitting – or at least don’t do it in front of your wife. A smoker? Stop – now! No debates: Get help, get serious, get God, but STOP smoking. In 40 years, your children will thank you – as you’re holding your grandchild in your arms.
Loving Hands and Massage Oil
There is nothing more helpful, calming and loving than a good massage – unfortunately don’t expect to be getting one any time soon. And remember, as the old saying goes, “It is far better to give than to receive.” Have your massage oil and loving hands ready to give a foot, back, or shoulder massage at the drop of a dime. Your wife will thank you. Your baby will thank you – not directly, of course. Your peace of mind will thank you. You will thank you.
A Large Notepad
Be prepared to make a lot of lists. You’ve started to do the shopping for your family – you’ll need a list. How about a who-do-you-call-list for when the baby arrives? You’ll need a list of names. The same goes for the items you’ll need to take to the hospital, safety measures for your home, and dates for your birthing class. Also, since you are in list-making mode, put these on your to do list: Review your life insurance (or get it if you don’t have it), W-2 forms, disability, and health insurance, as well as talk to your human resources department at work to inquire about possible paternity leave, etc.
A Toolbox
This is exactly what it seems. A toolbox - filled with wrenches, hammers, screwdrivers, drills, etc., and you’ll want to take care of any last minute repairs around your home now. Trust me, you will not be doing them when the baby arrives. Also, you will be doing a lot of assembling: cribs, strollers, etc. You’ll need some or all of these tools at one time or another.
These tools will definitely help as the Big Day arrives, but like all good fathers and repair men already know, you’ll be picking up new tools, replacing old ones and learning on the job for the rest of your life – and there is no better job in the whole wide world.
About The Author
Blessed with two wonderful children, Alan continues to amaze himself at how much he has to learn about this master class called Parenthood. Originally from Boston, he settled down in Los Angeles in 1993 (just in time for the big earthquake).
Happy to be part of The Cradle, Alan also writes for the stage and screen where several of his plays and short films have been produced here in LA and NY. Most recently, Alan’s short film, The Passion of the Couch, premiered at the Faux Film Festival in Portland, Oregon (reviewed on IMDB), and his children’s book, The Great City on the Hill was seen on a PBS TV channel in western Massachusetts. For more information, on these, and other projects, go to alanaymie.com. Alan, his lovely wife Heather, and their children live in Beverly Hills, CA.
y grandfather’s number one rule in life was: “Make sure you have the right tools for the job.” The man had an entire cellar dedicated to every type of tool and gadget for repairing anything. My wife’s pregnancy could have gone so much better if I had just stuck to my grandfather’s simple rule as fervently as he did.
About The Author
