he phone rang and it was my wife’s gynecologist. Cynthia and I had been trying unsuccessfully to have a baby for a number of months and her OB had done some tests to check her FSH levels. We understood that the level of follicle-stimulating hormone could indicate whether or not our efforts had paid off. I listened to the phone ring and considered letting the doctor leave a message - Cynthia wasn’t home and maybe we should hear about the results together. But by the time Cynthia got home, the doctor would be gone and we’d spend another day playing phone tag and biting our nails. How bad could my wife’s FSH levels be anyway? We were both 39 years old - a few docks away from our 20s, but we certainly hadn’t missed the baby-making boat altogether. We probably just needed to relax and keep trying and it would be reassuring to hear that from her doctor. I grabbed the phone.
“Unless you plan on using a donor egg, you can forget about having a baby,” the doctor said. The phone felt heavy in my hand. What do you say to that? “Thanks for the update”? My wife was equally devastated - and shocked that her OB would pass along such information so flippantly over the phone. We decided to get a second opinion.
One of the things you find when you start to explore assisted reproductive technology (ART) is there is no shortage of people who will tell you what you want to hear. We looked into various options, got a referral for a clinic, and met with a number of people who assured us we had an excellent chance of conceiving.
The first thing we tried was acupuncture. For the next three months, Cynthia went once a week to see a very pleasant Chinese doctor who poked her with needles and gave her an herbal tea concoction in order to raise those FSH levels. The acupuncture wasn’t so bad, but the tea tasted like something you might use for fertilizer (which may have been the point). Her FSH levels did begin to rise and we kept to our regularly scheduled program of sex while adhering to every recommendation that made any sense: the woman should remain on her back... put her legs in the air... stay in sync with her ovulating pattern... think happy thoughts... relax!
After six months of Chinese needles and fertility tea, we still weren’t pregnant. Maybe it was time to take the next step. With some trepidation, we made an appointment at the clinic. This is a very tricky time for any couple considering fertility treatment. It’s a little like walking into a casino in Vegas. So many ways to win or lose - and it’s a good idea to know your limit before you start.
My wife had never wanted to have a baby past the age of 35, let alone do fertility treatments. She had already had a healthy child with her first husband and was reluctant to subject her body to the kind of rigor that hormone therapy often entails. Yet this was something we wanted to share together and it would be fair to say that she was willing to put her personal fears and concerns aside in order to give me a chance to be a father. It was an extremely generous thing to do.
The clinic we went to turned out to be a remarkably pleasant environment located on the third floor of a modern professional building. Finished in all natural materials with calming music piped in from perfectly hidden speakers, it looked more like a Japanese spa than a medical facility. In the reception area, we saw other couples - both straight and gay - with that nervous look in their eyes reserved for people waiting to find out if they made the team, if Santa exists, if dreams can come true...
